It's funny how my life has become far more complicated, and yet so much easier all at the same time. The job Mark started back in November has crazy hours. I am pretty much a single mom most of the week and I have really had to adjust to this new life at home. And yet, our move to a new city managed to free up my time. Getting away from the hustle and bustle that I was in has literally changed everything. I haven't made new friends yet, and I don't have a time-eating volunteer position any more. So my time, well it's all for the kids, the house, and I am always available. My priorities have completely changed, and to be honest, taking care of three kids without a lot of help has soaked up all of that extra time anyways. I work a little during the week on my computer, but I am never bored. I am filled.
Every day I remind myself not to worry. I tell myself not to worry that I haven't made friends yet (let alone talked to more than two people). I tell myself not to worry that I haven't found a church yet. I tell myself not to worry about money. And I don't worry about it. Why? Because God WILL provide. God is not going to open a door, let me walk through, and not provide. If He sends me here, in His time I will have new friends, a church home, and everything else that I need. I know that. God is a loving God, but for any one to believe that things will be easy is a joke. God purposely doesn't hand over everything that you need all in one lump. What could we possibly learn from that? What could we possibly give from that? God has a plan and that plan will lie out as He sees fit.
I find that it's best to find joy in the imperfections. Of course I have bad days where I'm ready to throw in the towel. I yell at the kids more than I should. I feel down. But the best thing to do is find joy in the gifts God gives. I love this house we are living in. I love the weather outside. I love our new little life here, even if there are some holes missing. And I feel joy in all of this. Every day when I wake up and walk downstairs, I look around, and see that God has placed a blessing in our lives that is part of His plan. And knowing that I am on His journey for my life has been the most rewarding feeling I have ever felt in my faith, despite all of the things that are still missing.
My exhausted, lonely heart is full of joy!
This is me right now. I was a tad stressed and over whelmed today. Done living in a hotel, done living in the same room as my kid for the last month. Stressed from being very pregnant, getting pretty sick and then having a few scares the last few weeks. Counting the moments until we are in our new house, surrounded by people I will not be able to converse easily with. Knowing how easy it is to become isolated where I am now. So I let myself cry a little and then told myself it will all work out, I will be fine and I will make friends, I will be productive and I will enjoy my life overseas again. :)
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