Friday, March 22, 2013
Someone else
Someone else's story is not your story, no matter how much you want it to be. And that's a good thing. They may have your dream, but they don't have your purpose.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Growing
Why did God send us to San Diego? I have no idea. I don't mean that in a complaining way, I mean it in the way where I am excited to some day figure out the reason. Until then I am perfectly content in this new city and it feels like home. It's so weird to have this deep peace in a place where I don't know anyone around me. Last weekend I felt an emptiness when walking up to my son's baseball game. If we were home I would have passed many friends and acquaintances walking into the sports park. I would have seen an old friend or waved to a new one. Back in Orange County there was an abundance of friendships around me. And yet here, no matter where I go, I won't see anyone I know. And while I can acknowledge that emptiness inside of me and say it out loud, I am still filled. Filled with peace and joy. I'm not worried about it; I'm not devastated about it. That alone proves God is real. He has filled me with contentment to make this transition smooth. He has sent a steady stream of visiting friends, emails, and text messages. I just need to keep myself level. Reminding myself that life takes time, and if I continually put myself out there, God will provide what I need. After all, He opened this door.
We went to church in Orange County last weekend. My church home for the last 22 years. It filled me up. I saw friends, gave hugs, had conversations, and felt part of a bigger whole. It was perfect, and it was a reminder that God fills you up when you need it. That if you trust Him, He will make sure that you are filled spiritually and emotionally. And while I was there, He reminded me through His message that I have a job to do.... I have to keep sharing His word, no matter where I am. He has been reminding me this over and over again, in church, in a book, and in my heart. That my biggest obstacle right now isn't lack of new relationships, because I have love no matter where I am. My biggest obstacle is myself. The block I have put in my heart that has kept me from writing and sharing how God works in my own life. The purpose He has given me for right now. This block, whatever it is, has kept me from growing. And it is an obstacle I have to overcome. I have to find my voice again, because that is when I am closest to Him.
And today I am doing just that.
God will fill you with what you need when you need it, but He will keep reminding you of where you need to go. He will give you peace, and yet push you to grow. He will open a door, and yet ask you to keep moving. Because that is where you will find Him.
We went to church in Orange County last weekend. My church home for the last 22 years. It filled me up. I saw friends, gave hugs, had conversations, and felt part of a bigger whole. It was perfect, and it was a reminder that God fills you up when you need it. That if you trust Him, He will make sure that you are filled spiritually and emotionally. And while I was there, He reminded me through His message that I have a job to do.... I have to keep sharing His word, no matter where I am. He has been reminding me this over and over again, in church, in a book, and in my heart. That my biggest obstacle right now isn't lack of new relationships, because I have love no matter where I am. My biggest obstacle is myself. The block I have put in my heart that has kept me from writing and sharing how God works in my own life. The purpose He has given me for right now. This block, whatever it is, has kept me from growing. And it is an obstacle I have to overcome. I have to find my voice again, because that is when I am closest to Him.
And today I am doing just that.
God will fill you with what you need when you need it, but He will keep reminding you of where you need to go. He will give you peace, and yet push you to grow. He will open a door, and yet ask you to keep moving. Because that is where you will find Him.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Joy
Today I am in full realization that you make your life what it is. I'm not talking about circumstances, because we can't help all of those, but about the joy you feel in all circumstances.
It's funny how my life has become far more complicated, and yet so much easier all at the same time. The job Mark started back in November has crazy hours. I am pretty much a single mom most of the week and I have really had to adjust to this new life at home. And yet, our move to a new city managed to free up my time. Getting away from the hustle and bustle that I was in has literally changed everything. I haven't made new friends yet, and I don't have a time-eating volunteer position any more. So my time, well it's all for the kids, the house, and I am always available. My priorities have completely changed, and to be honest, taking care of three kids without a lot of help has soaked up all of that extra time anyways. I work a little during the week on my computer, but I am never bored. I am filled.
Every day I remind myself not to worry. I tell myself not to worry that I haven't made friends yet (let alone talked to more than two people). I tell myself not to worry that I haven't found a church yet. I tell myself not to worry about money. And I don't worry about it. Why? Because God WILL provide. God is not going to open a door, let me walk through, and not provide. If He sends me here, in His time I will have new friends, a church home, and everything else that I need. I know that. God is a loving God, but for any one to believe that things will be easy is a joke. God purposely doesn't hand over everything that you need all in one lump. What could we possibly learn from that? What could we possibly give from that? God has a plan and that plan will lie out as He sees fit.
I find that it's best to find joy in the imperfections. Of course I have bad days where I'm ready to throw in the towel. I yell at the kids more than I should. I feel down. But the best thing to do is find joy in the gifts God gives. I love this house we are living in. I love the weather outside. I love our new little life here, even if there are some holes missing. And I feel joy in all of this. Every day when I wake up and walk downstairs, I look around, and see that God has placed a blessing in our lives that is part of His plan. And knowing that I am on His journey for my life has been the most rewarding feeling I have ever felt in my faith, despite all of the things that are still missing.
My exhausted, lonely heart is full of joy!
It's funny how my life has become far more complicated, and yet so much easier all at the same time. The job Mark started back in November has crazy hours. I am pretty much a single mom most of the week and I have really had to adjust to this new life at home. And yet, our move to a new city managed to free up my time. Getting away from the hustle and bustle that I was in has literally changed everything. I haven't made new friends yet, and I don't have a time-eating volunteer position any more. So my time, well it's all for the kids, the house, and I am always available. My priorities have completely changed, and to be honest, taking care of three kids without a lot of help has soaked up all of that extra time anyways. I work a little during the week on my computer, but I am never bored. I am filled.
Every day I remind myself not to worry. I tell myself not to worry that I haven't made friends yet (let alone talked to more than two people). I tell myself not to worry that I haven't found a church yet. I tell myself not to worry about money. And I don't worry about it. Why? Because God WILL provide. God is not going to open a door, let me walk through, and not provide. If He sends me here, in His time I will have new friends, a church home, and everything else that I need. I know that. God is a loving God, but for any one to believe that things will be easy is a joke. God purposely doesn't hand over everything that you need all in one lump. What could we possibly learn from that? What could we possibly give from that? God has a plan and that plan will lie out as He sees fit.
I find that it's best to find joy in the imperfections. Of course I have bad days where I'm ready to throw in the towel. I yell at the kids more than I should. I feel down. But the best thing to do is find joy in the gifts God gives. I love this house we are living in. I love the weather outside. I love our new little life here, even if there are some holes missing. And I feel joy in all of this. Every day when I wake up and walk downstairs, I look around, and see that God has placed a blessing in our lives that is part of His plan. And knowing that I am on His journey for my life has been the most rewarding feeling I have ever felt in my faith, despite all of the things that are still missing.
My exhausted, lonely heart is full of joy!
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