Growing

Why did God send us to San Diego? I have no idea. I don't mean that in a complaining way, I mean it in the way where I am excited to some day figure out the reason. Until then I am perfectly content in this new city and it feels like home. It's so weird to have this deep peace in a place where I don't know anyone around me. Last weekend I felt an emptiness when walking up to my son's baseball game. If we were home I would have passed many friends and acquaintances walking into the sports park. I would have seen an old friend or waved to a new one. Back in Orange County there was an abundance of friendships around me. And yet here, no matter where I go, I won't see anyone I know. And while I can acknowledge that emptiness inside of me and say it out loud, I am still filled. Filled with peace and joy. I'm not worried about it; I'm not devastated about it. That alone proves God is real. He has filled me with contentment to make this transition smooth. He has sent a steady stream of visiting friends, emails, and text messages. I just need to keep myself level. Reminding myself that life takes time, and if I continually put myself out there, God will provide what I need. After all, He opened this door.

We went to church in Orange County last weekend. My church home for the last 22 years. It filled me up. I saw friends, gave hugs, had conversations, and felt part of a bigger whole. It was perfect, and it was a reminder that God fills you up when you need it. That if you trust Him, He will make sure that you are filled spiritually and emotionally. And while I was there, He reminded me through His message that I have a job to do.... I have to keep sharing His word, no matter where I am. He has been reminding me this over and over again, in church, in a book, and in my heart. That my biggest obstacle right now isn't lack of new relationships, because I have love no matter where I am. My biggest obstacle is myself. The block I have put in my heart that has kept me from writing and sharing how God works in my own life. The purpose He has given me for right now. This block, whatever it is, has kept me from growing. And it is an obstacle I have to overcome. I have to find my voice again, because that is when I am closest to Him.

And today I am doing just that.

God will fill you with what you need when you need it, but He will keep reminding you of where you need to go. He will give you peace, and yet push you to grow. He will open a door, and yet ask you to keep moving. Because that is where you will find Him.